Here is another gem of an article from Dr. Laura. Though her articles can be a little lengthy, they are so worth the time and effort.
First Mindful Parenting Circle In London! | ServiceSpace.org
Peaceful Parenting
Some people assume that since I am involved with mindfulness and am on a spiritual path, P must be the kindest, nicest, calmest kid in the block and I the epitome of patience. Quite the contrary. Both P and I have extremely short tempers. While the past two years have made a difference and my flare ups are now only during times of illness or physical weakness, P continues to be the super-temperamental 7 year old. And that is why perhaps why I take the extra effort to be more aware around him. Like last night despite my best attempts at putting him to sleep, he kept getting out. Finally after 1/2 hour, I was exhausted and yelled at him. Immediately he said, “why ma? what’s wrong with you suddenly? why are you doing this? ” He sobbed for a minute and I felt bad. But his words also drew me back to awareness and I immediately checked where my emotions were coming from – him or my exhaustion.
I have always wanted to be more peaceful as a parent and one of the articles that I found recently is a fabulous guide towards this process. The site itself is wonderful and contains loads of articles on peaceful parenting and mindful parenting. But this article is particularly noteworthy .
Teaching kids mindfulness
During the past few days, I have had many kids ask me what mindfulness means. It has been difficult to explain mindfulness to children. They all had their different interpretations of it. “Being good,” one said, “helping others,” said another. As a definition, mindfulness is paying attention to the moment and all the emotions and thoughts you are experiencing at that moment.
But children have no concept of ‘this’ moment! All most of them understand is action and in-action, and that probably in one of the simplest way mindfulness can be explained to them. And here again, in-action is hard for children. Not many 3-8 year old sit in silence for more than 2 minutes. So the best way to explain mindfulness or help children practice mindfulness will be
- doing things without anger
- being kind
- Being patient
- treating things with respect
- Doing things without expecting something in return
As a beginning this is more than enough for the young minds; to constantly remind them kindly and gently of these things.
But for children who are 10 years or older, meditation is the best practice to introduce. And this can be done through guided meditations that involve gratitude, forgiveness or self-love.
Mindfulness Club Begins
Since the time, P and I decided to start a mindfulness club last month, with the intent of teaching kids mindfulness and focusing on a social issue every month, I have been racking my brains about how to execute such grandiose plans. Research and brain racking resulted in creating a format which I felt would be best for the 6-12 year olds who were there. Unlike my workshop which I slot into age-wise categories, the idea was to have kids of that age group together so that the younger ones can benefit from the increased exposure of the older lot. In retrospect it wasn’t as a great idea as the younger ones, distracted the older lot all the time. Ha ha ha… And so from the next time onwards, it will be a two group affair – ages 6-9 and ages 10-13.
P and I decided we would begin by focusing on elders and old age. Since the idea was also to introduce mindfulness to the children, the focus of the first session was on patience, listening and communicating with elders. Story-telling is also an integral tool for social change or any communication. I began by telling them how my grandpa lived and compared it to how P’s grandpa lived. The changes in the world around and asked them what else they thought would be different by the time they grew up.
My plan was to guide and steer a conversation about elders, growing up, death and illness among the kids as they spoke amongst each other about what these things meant. This worked well as it got them to engage and challenge their own ideas about what these things meant. I included another story about a old man with dementia mid-way and a video about an old-age home. Mid-way we did a memory exercise and I ended it with a modified version of the pebble meditation which focused on sending and receiving love to their grandparents and themselves.
Different kids responded to different parts of the workshop. Apart from the two 12 year old, none of the younger lot were completely able to absorb the workshop. But I think that is ok. It is more important for them to have exposure to such things than be erudite and intelligent about such things. The last thing, we did was discuss ideas that we could do for the elders at home (including parents and grandparents) and for elders in the community. The younger lot who has put up a lemonade stand earlier, thought of putting a free one up for elders in their area while older ones who suggested a party for the grandparents in the community were asked to think of other ideas to support elders locally as well.
Since I keep meeting these kids on a regular basis, the plan is to get them to keep thinking about this. Their home-work was also to observe the elders, be patient when interacting with their parents and try and listen more to what they actually mean. This is going to be interesting:)
New Year’s eve
On 31st morning, P woke up and found the Rs.100 he got from his great-grandma the previous day. He went to his piggy bank and declared that it had become too heavy. It was time to buy something so that he could lighten it. When I reminded him he had enough and should donate the money, to my surprise he spontaneously agreed. He kept Rs.200 for himself and emptied Rs.470 out from the box. I was planning to donate some money myself to Sanmiti Bal Ashram whom I had written about for CSM in December. And so told him that I would contribute too and so the amount would be more.
P then asked if we could ask more people and raise more money. I said yes but it would be his project. With minimal help from me, he went to a couple of friend’s homes and called up 4 more friends and raised Rs.5170 within a couple of hours. A friend of his, too emptied Rs.500 from his piggy bank for the effort. It was P’s job to keep accounts. And so as and when he called people, he wrote it down in a diary and kept accounts. Then we called the ashram and wrote down a list of what groceries they wanted. This was part of my attempt to help him understand that we can’t just buy what we want ( as many of us tend to do sometimes). Far too many NGOs end up with things they don’t need and struggle for the basics. And so this call was to remind him to be sensitive to their needs and not just donate because he wanted to.
Then we (me, P, S- his dad, and his friend) went to a local hypermarket and bought 40 kgs wheat atta, 20 litres of oil, 14 kgs of assorted daals, 6 kgs of Poha and hf kg of turmeric. The kids were shocked at how much food that money had got. P who has been begging for a new cycle went quiet when I told him his was half the money we would have to spend on a new cycle. But simple reminders apart, the boys had a great time choosing, weighing and loading the carts. Then we drove directly to the ashram where 45 boys and 25 women, lived.
It was P’s first experience in such a setting. Though Sanmiti is excellently maintained, the difference between a home and such a centre is obviously stark. P entered the dormitory where the boys live, saw the bunk beds and immediately commented that it looked like a train. It visibly made an impact on him for he went a little quieter after that. We also met Sindhutai, the 67-year-old inspiring woman who has created a legacy by starting 4 such homes and caring for thousands of orphans in her lifetime.
P is someone who will accept everything his parents say as truth (unless it is us saying no to his demands for toys or chocolates. Oh boy then you should hear his decibel levels). But his friend was super astute and asked many questions on the way back – why should we help others? God made them poor, so why should we give? But they have a home and so how can they be poor? What about the children who beg on the streets? What about people who steal? The journey back made for a really interesting ride as I tried to answer their queries.
Once back, P wanted to do this every month. The mindfulness club ( I really need to think of a cooler name for this…) is one way I am hoping to engage these young minds in questions and experiences like these that are necessary. I find that P and his friends tend to be super materialistic many times and live with the feeling that they are owed what their parents give them. While such experiences do create an impact, for lasting lessons, the kids need to grow up with such experiences on a regular basis. And this is an attempt to living a more mindful life.
The beginning
In September last year, I conducted a workshop for children ages 5-7. It was a fascinating experience. The idea was to help children focus, deal with anger, and be aware of their emotions. Though the children seemed to enjoy the workshop as I had arranged 6-7 activities in all and all parents shared that the kids remembered the session for some days, personally I noticed that the effect was short-lived with “P”. And it is not possible to verbally keep reminding a-6-year-old to use a calming bottle (because then we are just told we nag). I realized then that something had to be done on a regular basis if I wanted P to have any lasting lessons on the spiritual path.
The whole concept of raising a conscious child has been playing on my mind forever. In the past 3 months of 2015, I took a break from my healing practice. That is when somehow the words, Spirituality in Education and Life, kept playing in my head. I have always been very disappointed with the lack of spiritual focus in our education system in India. And no, saying prayers at assembly or learning yoga, is not enough. Children spend up to 7-8 hours of their day in learning things which they never use at adults. The world we live in is changing and I somehow feel the focus needs to be more on human and social skills than learning trigonometry! When I googled up Spirituality in Education, I was appalled that there was nothing in India that turned up on the search. Though much has been learnt about what is happening around the globe, a random act of service by Pranav on new year’s eve lead to him announcing that we should do that often; every month he declared in fact. And thus was born the “mindfulness club” as he calls it. This is the beginning of a year of experimentation. What we actually did on the 31st and in the first kids meet that just concluded last weekend, will be posted in a separate blog.
Conscious Child Project 